Happy Tears

I just broke down and cried today. Not because I'm in pain. Not because anything significantly bad happened. But because one of my best friends, my producer, my brother from another mother, Daniel Braunstein is just a fucking champion producer and he sent over the master of my track "Miami" and it just made me cry. Like real big tears and loud wailing crying... It's good. It's a song that I've written within the last year and this last year has been so transformative. I let go of so many things over the years, and this last year has been all about tuning into the truth, who i really am and what i really want. Not an easy path to take, but it's so absolutely worth the stormy adventure that it was. I know i'm still on it, so I can't say its over... Nothing is ever over... It's just another song and dance...

So... Miami... Wow. This is my leaving Fresno song. I have a few of these... But it's also about just leaving something in general and not knowing what lies ahead. Just knowing that the unknown is so much more intriguing and, for lack of a better word, BETTER than what exists in the current... I needed to leave Fresno. I needed to be out of my hometown. I was downward spiraling... I was doing things I'm ashamed to admit to the public about. And i needed out... Whats funny, looking back on who i was almost 10 years ago now, that downward spiral didn't stop because I moved to LA... it sort of just hung in the air. The downward spiral came back with avengence about 3 years after moving to LA and stayed for a good 5-6 years... I was functioning, and what others may have seen as successful might actually looked as such. But I was battling every demon I ran from. And it wasn't till I realized, truly realized, that there is no where to run, and there is no getting away from MYSELF. I am always with myself. I can't drink her away, I can't smoke her away, I can't even drug her away... She's still there and she's fucking crying a lot. So today, I cry. I let myself CRY. and cry and cry. Until my body doesn't cry anymore. Because this is how I honor who i was, who i am and who i will always be. A human who feels, and remembers, and cries, and laughs, and rejoices in the little everyday feats of living... being human...

today is beautiful. I'm closer to releasing this website, my new self, my music, my words, and the culmination of a wild year of transformation has me crying happy tears. i welcome them. i welcome you to join in.

~liv